"and I use to blame myself but there must be some serious reasons why the devil is your voice when you start to laugh."

"

"everything you do is super duper cute and I can't stand"

I know I'm horrible at blogging. But then again what am i not bad at? haha.

So everything has changed in the past..... month i say. I hold about a 10% love for fashion and another 90% love of I don't know. I left LA behind with nothing but bittersweet memories of being free. Oh sweet freedom i miss it.. I can't say that i've been in a happy place lately. For some reason I feel that every time I try to make something work or try to adjust to something, it always fails.

Whether is trying to re-get with a boy that I've had a crush on since I first started working at the library to the day I said I had enough in LA to cave in, everything hasn't been beautiful gardens and pretty rainbows. But for some reason, I have that gut feeling that coming back home was one of the best decisions I made (and let me tell you I haven't made many good choices in my life yet...).

I'm taking my gut feeling which i should've followed since I graduated from high school and that's to go to DePaul University in Lincoln Park, for what you may ask? Right now, it looks like history/political science but who knows later on it might be for something else.. i honestly don't know what I'm doing anymore. I feel very guilty though and alone. and useless. I haven't felt this way in a while.

I just feels like I lost everything because I made an effort to move somewhere new & follow a so called "dream"....

but if there's one thing that has remained constant is that to my nieces and nephews... I'll still be some kind of person to look up to that is all mighty and powerful. I wish I could proof them wrong and show them that i'm not flawless and i'm not all that i'm caught up to be.

one thing that hasn't changed is that i'm a sucker for music (my itunes grows more and more each week/day) and books. I've been reading the Vampire Academy series lately and I'm finished with the 4th book as of today. too bad the 5th doesn't come out till April or May.

But I hope Dimitri becomes a Dhampri again and Rose & him can live happily ever after with Lissa and Christian... I'm not sure about Adrian though... I envision him as a Moroi Chuck Bass haha. But in some weird way I can see Rose as a Strigoi with Dimitri.. I don't know I'm just ranting! hahaha.

Some other books I've purchased::: Marked from the Cast Series (Im curious about this one), Evermore another series, and water for elephants.

As you can tell I love me some vampires & forbidden love. haha. my mom has been saying that I should start some kind of book/music blog where I review albums and books that I buy because that's where all my paychecks go to now a days when I use to spend money like crazy at urban or american apparel.

well.. i promise to post more this week. I feel bad for my readers that want something more than to look at past memories.

it'll defiantly take awhile to get back to my usual self...